Tina Gasteiger, Silke Kellner, Peichi Liu, Earth, Europe, Germany, Herbstfest, Rosenheim

Michael’s What I Want

I’m siting in Hyderbad for a January 2013 company meeting and found this. Figured to make some minor updates as surprisingly, 3 years years later it’s still holding true.

The past few years have involved quite a bit of change in Peichi’s and my life. We’re not always sure where things are headed or how the bills will get paid. However, we’re into life together and by living simply, we make the best of it.

Here’s a letter to Peichi that I had written very late one night in February 2008. Despite in some ways of having had it all, it only meant I had less of what truly counted.

In reading the letter again, two years later, I’m finding the core of what I want remains. Love, peace and happiness in Peichi’s and my life, together. All of the other bits, even the material aspects remain modest and attainable.

I wonder how you’d write a letter like this to one you loved, when feeling lost a time and then reading it again years later. For me, I’m finding myself ever closer to what I want.

The Letter

I should be sleeping with my beautiful wife right now. But, nope, I’m sitting in front of the computer with my eyes closed and typing away with a green milk tea at hand trying to figure out just what the fuck I want to do with my life.

Recently, I’m going through yet another screwed up website project. It’s a case of I delivered the project back in August of 2008 and the client is finally moving forward on it, early 2009. However, since they’ve missed a couple of invoice payments, I’m not moving forward till there’s a a payment or equivalent guarantee that there will be.

Simply put, trust has been lost and it’s hard to get back from both sides. The client feels they’ve paid enough for the site and should just have it handled over to them. Michael feels client got what they wanted and it’s beyond reasonable time to perform more work unless compensation has been made. Hopefully though, some middle ground will be found when the client finds another developer and I can turn the site over to them for at least some compensation and get them out of my hair.

This reminds me of reading another article a few days back. The Tech Crunch guy got spat in his face by someone at a conference recently. This unsettled the Tech Crunch guy enough that he’s pulled out of his writing for a while to sort out if what’s he’s doing is what he wants to be doing.

In dealing with people there’s going to be some you can deal with and others that you just cant.

In the failed projects, it seems that at the root are people you just can’t get along with with.

In a side note, within a week of starting the above project, I had the feeling that I need to cancel the project and return the deposit despite the effort put in already and needing the money. I just had a bad feeling that the project was doomed from the start. Even getting to a signed proposal was extremely painful. I never have dealt with such a harsh client before.

Hopefully, with my lessons learned there will never be another like that one. If so though, I’ll be doing what I can to get out of the relationship as soon as possible.

Drink, sip, read, sip, squirt, sip, read, think…

Given I started this as Michael’s What I Want, I guess I should get on with with it.

  • I want a peaceful life
  • I want to be happy
  • I want to share my happiness with others
  • I want to share my life with my wife Peichi
  • There’s truly no where else I’d rather be than at my wife’s side
  • Together we can achieve our dreams with so much more relish, it’s amazing.
  • I want to be able to support my wife as much as she supports me.

I guess, there’s some materials and other stuff I should toss into here.

  • Reliable transportation
  • One week escapes every 2-3 months to recuperate
  • Annual 1-2 month travels and working abroad
  • Mountainside home with ocean views
  • A home with room to garden, natural hot spring, hostel, conference center, retreat
  • A place where Peichi and I can have some business and family together successfully, profitably and in ever increasing love for each other and others.
  • Yeah, that’s sappy, but it’s what’s coming out of my mind and into my fingers and onto this document. Thpppt… to the naysayers. Go find a real relationship.

When you’re with the true person that you love and loves in return, there’s really no way to be stopped from being your true self.

Peichi are like  a couple of love bird like kids, ready to laugh easily and love long and help others and listen with concern and share the burdens of life. Even when the work is hard, we’ll smile and plow through to get the job done.

It might stink even, but we’ll help finish it.

I like this phrase, mean people suck. That’s true. They suck the good energy right out of you.

Nice guys finish last because we’re so giving of our selves even to the point of our own detriment. I like being a nice guy, but only to those who reciprocate. To others, I’ll be just as you are, but nicer in return.

I don’t like to lose, but I’ll lose gracefully if possible.

There’s no where I’m really afraid to go. Just scared of what might happen is true, but I’ll go. There’s life to be experienced.

I want to not feel the pressures of financial stress. Having to pay bills stink.

I want to do my best to live a cash base existence. Sure it might a while longer to get what I want, but I’ve earned it and by the time I get something it’s truly what I want and it’s all mine.

I prefer to look to the long term in most things. Short term pain and losses are okay with me if the long-term benefits outweigh the short term issues.

Thinking ahead is great, but don’t forget to do what’s needed.

Getting found is easy. Getting lost is hard, as you always know where you are.
The trail is that way.

Hmm, the mind is calmer. I think I can sleep gain. I miss my wife, I long to be by her side again.

For you, Peichi I push harder so that we might live a fuller life. Thank you for all that you’ve done for me.

In our heart and mind is mine.

Published by

Michael Cannon

Hello, I'm Michael Cannon, Peichi's smiling man, Drusus' baba, an adventurous water-rat, Axelerant's chief operating officer, photographer, poet, road cyclist, WWOOF'er, and world traveler. My resume.

  • I can definitely relate, especially lately. I think I’m done working 15 hour shifts night after night.

    Lovely post, thanks for sharing 🙂

    • Marcus, good luck on ending those long shifts. I’ve given up a lot of material things that I thought were required. I do miss my Kawasaki Ninja and RX-8, but I’m so much happier to get on plane or bus with only a backpack to travel to wherever freely.

      • Since reading this post it’s been stuck in my head. I had created something similar to your list when I was in my early 20s, but I think it’s time for a refresh.

        I love your blog! Hope we get to ride together sometime soon 🙂

        • Any luck with figuring out what’s next? I keep thinking of riding hills in the morning, bathing in the sea, working in my shorts and going to bed with the sun.

  • Rashmi

    Hi Michael.

    Thanks for posting this, i luvd it. We, human beings, have forgotten the actual reason of our existence. God has given us so much to appreciate and share, we keep running after endless desires. Working hard for living and being successful at wrk is great, if it comes with peace of heart and mind. Apart from wrk, there is much deeper reason to live.

    Wish you a very happy and meaningful life.

    • Rashmi, thank you very much for your response. I’m glad you found something to hold from this. Ciao from Seattle. Michael

  • Kai

    Nothing beats a lovely wife for a man. Just when we think the world we are in are going against us, we know we have someone to support, care and listen to us.
    You know, I often ponder and question myself, “Is it worth it?”. Life is too short, and I still believe all things happened for a good reason, whether we like it or not. In the end, it’s always worth it. Like you’ve said, short term pain for long term gain.

    You’re a good man! I love your work (esp. TW) and your work ethic.