Categories
Execution

Sex, change, self

Happy Friday everyone,

I’m sitting here enjoying passion-fruit jam and snow ice by the Kaohsiung cultural center. This particular place and eating are one of my favorites in all of the world. At times when uncertainty bounds, simple actions center me.

One of the hardest, yet most impactful actions, of this past week, was removing Prime Video and Netflix from my phone plus routing Netflix.com to localhost on my MacBook. Suddenly, I’m going to bed hours earlier and waking more rested at reasonable times.

I continue having sadness of not knowing when I’ll get to hug my kids again, though I’m overjoyed having twice-weekly conversations with them. And, I’m feeling especially worthy about myself after Drusus said they like me more than another male role model in their life.

That’s one ego boost that I’ll pay attention to.

Twice-daily gratitude reflections are back despite the morning “I am Michael” recap struggling to recall all of my intentions. I could brute force memorize them, yet I’m letting myself figure which are the true ones like rescinding priority of localized conversations and knowing team member details.

Likewise, for 2020-21 KPIs, I’m questioning the truly desired outcome with some surprising changes to the KPIs and feeling that most 2019-20 KPIs should be 2020-21 metrics.

On the path of healthy relationships, I found myself in a conundrum last night as part of a social dinner date.

First off, it seems I’m desirable though I’m not returning the interest. Second, though not wanting to be intimate, I went through with the act and found myself uncomfortable. Third, I’d prefer to have been with someone else holding hands.

For an extended part of my life, I wouldn’t stop at much to have sex. Nowadays, I’m more interested in connecting by heart and mind with someone. And, I’m still struggling with such a dramatic change in myself.

In reflecting upon last night, I wasn’t right to my ideal self. I should’ve been upfront about my preference to be platonic than fearing the other person’s confidence drop in saying no to intimacy.

Then again, if it weren’t for the experience, I probably wouldn’t have realized how much I’ve changed. Nor how I would prefer to have mentally and emotionally mature relationships with people.

Some days this week, my schedule would be shifted around, like today’s CSO Stuff to be done tomorrow. Yet, overall, I found it easier to get started at reasonable times and stick through the work.

I had a couple of hard conversations this week with people I care about with the greater fear of having broken trust with them. Yet, I found that care and openness were the primary intentions of our discussion. As such, I think we were able to understand better the situation than treating it as a personal shortcoming.

Thank you so much to those people who helped me demonstrate that we are on a better path of clarity and collaborative expectations. These conversations and reflections about how well we get our roles and accomplishing them are contributing significantly to the 2020-21 role description and KPI revisions.

Because I realized that as I thanked the team member’s supporters, I had to know a person first, I dropped the line-item about knowing the team member’s name, background, and domain.

For next week, I’m more to fearlessness and feeling happy again, without caveats.

Cheers,

Michael

By Michael Cannon

Boundless Virgo water-rat, Drusus & Jace's remote dad, for @Axelerant's success, of conscious choices & simple living by kindness through curiosity & reflection

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s